I need to say goodbye to someone I care about, someone who’s still here; so I’m saying it to you. You were good to me Kevin and sometimes when we were together I remembered who I used to be before everything changed but I was pretending… pretending as if I haven’t lost everything. I wanna’ believe it can all go back to the way it was, I wanna’ believe that I’m not surrounded by the abandon ruin of a dead civilization, I wanna’ believe it’s still possible to get close to someone but is easier not to, is easier because I’m a coward and I couldn’t take the pain… not again. I know that’s not fair Kevin, you’ve lost so much too and you’re strong, you still here but I can’t be, not anymore. I tried to get better Kevin I didn’t want to feel this way so I took a shortcut but it led me right back home and do you know what I found when I got there? I found them Kevin, right where I left them… right where they left me. It took me three years to accept the truth but now I know there’s no going back, no fixing it. I’m beyond repair maybe we’re all beyond repair. I can’t go on the way I’m living but I don’t have the power to die; but I have to move towards something, anything. I’m not sure where I’m going… just away, away from all this. I think about a place where nobody will know what happened to me but then I worry I forget them, I don’t ever want to forget them, I can’t… they were my family. I think I loved you Kevin maybe you loved me too. I wish I could say this to you instead of writing it, I wish I could see you one last time to thank you and wish you well and tell you how much you mean to me but I can´t, like I said I’m a coward. So wish me luck I think I’m going to need it.
“ Ecstasy. From the Greek ekstasis. Meaning not what you think. Meaning not euphoria or sexual climax or even happiness. Meaning literally: a state of displacement, of being driven out of one’s senses. ”